I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
