nut hugger
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
