Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
