I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
