I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
love makes seman taste better
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
