I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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