I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
