I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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