well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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