Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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