also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
