am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
