there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
