smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
