he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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