and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
