oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
