thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
