Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
