Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
