So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
