Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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