im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
