I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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