I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
