id be glad to
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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