The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
