Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
