The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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