I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
