We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
