Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
