in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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