he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
