Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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