all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
