Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
