Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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