i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
