I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
