Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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