Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize