trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have aggressive nipples.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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