Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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