I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
