Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
