At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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