so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
