I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
