She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
