I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
