waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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