I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
